he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize