I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
