I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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