I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
