I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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