We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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