I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
