We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
