i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
