why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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