That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i already hear my dad disowning me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
