did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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