yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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