I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
