dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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