I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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