whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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