i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
