i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
