Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
