I heard we made out
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
