this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
