I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
