And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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