The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
