it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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