It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
