he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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