I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
