The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
