what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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