I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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