i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
