Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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