anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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