she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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