For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
