He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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