so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
