im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
