I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You are a genius and a whore.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
