so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
