i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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