I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
