Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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