Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
