Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
