remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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