Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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