I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Your dad touched me again.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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