I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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