no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
