I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
