dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
