I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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