Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
