I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
