just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
