I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
