Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have post one night stand depression
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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