puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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