His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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