So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
