my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
